I got raped when I was 14. Contrary to what people might assume, I am not ashamed of it. It was not my fault. Though I was wearing a tight low-neck red T-shirt and my jeans were a wee bit tight too, what I wear is not who I am and she had no bloody right to think of me as an object of pleasure. So this is just an attempt at regaining my lost honour. I just hope my parents would accept the story for what it is and not get carried away by what people say about me.
I was out in a bar with my friend Deepak. He had just got his belly pierced. We were celebrating the occasion. Both of us got really high. At around 1 in the night we realized that it had got too late, so we went to the parking lot and searched for my car. The parking lot was empty and it took us half an hour to find my car. I had always been a mama’s boy who did whatever my mom asked me to do. And the one thing that she was strictly against is me drinking and driving, so I decided I would not drive. I gave the keys to Deepak and told him to drive. He took the keys in his finger and swung them in circles like he always did. Though He was my best friend, I always secretly envied his cool charms. I stood there in awe of him and saw him open the car in all his glory. He looked like one of those bollywood actors who slept around with a lot of women. He sat inside the car in style and drove the car out of the parking. That is when it occurred to me that I had not gotten inside the car. I stood there clueless for a while, I got down on my knees and prayed to God to give Deepak the wisdom to come back and get me. My cell phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and switched it off. Our parish priest Father Andrew used to say that God doesnt answer those, those who answer their cellphone in the middle of a prayer . I resumed praying and that was when I first saw her. She proclaimed in a loud shrill voice, “Oh boy, I am going to rape you now”
I recognized her as the bartender who served us drinks earlier in the night. Had I known she had such lurid intentions, I would have never asked her to make those drinks. But thinking back I realized that the only other bartender was a guy. So I could not really complain. I ended my prayer with a ‘Thank you’ prayer that my mom had taught me –
“Thank you for the world so sweet,
Thank you for the food we eat,
Thank you for the birds that sing,
Thank you God for everything.“
I got up on my four legs and tried to run as fast as I could. She sprinted towards me and grabbed me by my hair. I had got tired of all the running and collapsed in her arms. That is when the horror began. The rape was unlike anything that I had seen before, neither too innocent like the rapes in hindi movies nor too violent as the ones shown in porn. She was kind enough to not rip my clothes off. She took them off gently and defiled me.
After the rape was over I was exhausted. I lay there on the ground with absolutely no clothes on. Surprisingly she did not leave. She just lay there next to me. To be frank it got a bit awkward. I did not know what to do next. I mean I could not have just got up, put my clothes on and left. That would have given out the wrong signal. That would have been like saying, “Well, I had a great time.. but I am getting late for home. Bye Rapist. Have a nice day”. It was my first rape and I didnt know how things worked. I guess she was a first timer too because we both just lay there for the next half an hour. Finally she broke the silence and started whistling. And she sucked at it! If you knew me you would know that I am the A.R. Rehman of whistling. I mean I reach such high notes in my whistles that would put Himesh Reshammiya’s nose to shame. Her whistle hurt the musician in me and I started whistling the tune she was whistling. Lying naked in a parking lot, trying to whistle “Aaj Jaane ki zidd na karo” by Farida Khanum, I was unaware of the irony of the situation. We stopped whistling only after 20 minutes when a car came in through the entrance. I was so happy that my prayers had been answered and that Deepak had come to pick me. I was taken aback when I saw my mom and dad get out of the car. I was still relieved because now I could go back to my home and sleep peacefully. I also planned to file an FIR against my rapist who had gotten up by now. I wanted to see how she would deal with the embarrasment. She took my red t-shirt and wrapped it around her head like a scarf and bowed down to touch my parent’s feet. “Paye laagu mummy ji. Paaye laagu daddy ji.”
My dad is an army man and a strict one at that. I spent the next year in a boarding school and to this day, every year, my rapist visits my parents on Karva Chauth.