Time : Somewhere around July 2010
Venue : My home
Fifth Semester was about to begin in a month and I was all charged up for it. I messed up my pointer last semester and had planned to get back to studying in a big way. A decent 8 pointer was what my mom had asked me to get but I was all charged up to get my first 10 pointer. I do that quite often – Make elaborate plans to achieve goals that are impossible to achieve. I make plans as to how I would do that, I picture myself waking up at 6 every morning and sitting down to study, attending all lectures and making trips to the library daily and studying till midnight etc. but the messed up part is I have a catchy music playing in the background of my dream and everything takes place in fast motion in the dream. Its only when it comes to doing those stuffs that I realize that life has no interesting music playing in the background and that studying from 6 to 12 in the library takes 6 hours in real life and not 5 minutes, as it happens in the dream.
I day-dream all these things. Imagine them in my head while I am doing things like studying, playing, reading, or riding my Activa. And that’s why I am so careless in my life. I can never give my whole-hearted attention to what I am doing at the moment because while I am doing something I am also thinking about what I am going to do once the task in hand was over and I also plan for the background music to accompany the dream. It gets quite boring with the same track playing all through the day. It really does.
If you notice me closely you’ll realize that mostly I walk in a fast pace, in a rhythmic manner. That’s mainly because there’s some fast “dhik-chik dhik-chik” song playing in my head in my dream as I am doing something weird (cycling on the Himalayas maybe). And when you see me walking with a smile on my face and a skip in my steps, that’s when the track “Kabhi kabhi aditi” from Jaane tu ya jaane na is playing in my head and I am serenading my imaginary girlfriend. And then if I quickly slow down then that’s the moment when the track changes to “Last Kiss” by Pearl Jam and I am having a break up with my imaginary girl friend. But you have to watch me closely to observe that because remember, everything happens in fast motion in the dream.
Well this one fine day when I walked into my house with “Kabhi kabhi Aditi” in my head and just as the track was about to change, I saw my dad sitting on the couch biting his lower lip. I sometimes think that God made us that way. He put a tape recorder in my head and installed the “STOP” button for it on my Dad’s lips. Because the only time that songs stop playing in my head is when my dad is biting his lips and the only time when my dad does that is when he is angry like hell!
“When is the due date for your fees?”, asked my dad.
“26th July, I think”, I replied.
“You think? you think? you aren’t sure about it yet? I asked you to give me your fee details two weeks back, and you haven’t given me yet. And even now you aren’t sure about it!”
My dad is like this. He always want things to be done on time. Actually, he wants things to be done way before time and on the contrary I kind of wait till the last moment for something to get done. If procrastination had a muse, that would probably be me. Anyways, we end up having a lot of fights due to that. I knew it was going to be of no help to try to make my dad understand that two-week ago I was dreaming of playing “Master of Puppets“ by metallica on my electric guitar at the Rock Am Festival in front of lakhs of people (I told you, my dreams know no bounds 🙂 )
So I just go silent when my dad is scolding me and then after a while my mom joined him too and then they started telling me how I have been careless all my life. I don’t retaliate because I know they are right. I would love to do something about it but I have no clue as to what. I really don’t.
Well after the scolding session reached a crescendo and started to fade out I got the courage to leave the room. I somehow get super human powers after someone has scolded me. I don’t know what it is. I get a rush or something maybe, but I rushed out of my house, hopped onto my activa, downloaded the “fee detail form” from the cyber cafe and got it printed in five minutes or so. It costed me 15 Rupee. I had a 20 Rupee note with me and the Cyber cafe owner had no change with him. He gave me a five rupee five-star instead. What kind of cyber cafe keeps five-star?
I returned home and gave the paper to my dad, who then started filling the form and stuff and by that time the rush I got from the scolding had died down and that’s when I heard SRK’s voice in my head “Thoda aur wish karo, Piss karo!”. I took it as a divine calling and went to the bathroom to pee. I do that quite often. Though I sometime find it strange when SRK asks me to piss.
Anyways, once I was in the bathroom, I took out the five star from the wrapper and held it in my hand to eat it in one go but then I looked up in the mirror and saw a pimple on my forehead. Right in the middle of my two eyebrows. Pimples kill me and more so even, the ones that look like a Bindi and make me appear like a girl. The messed up part is, you aren’t supposed to squeeze the pimple, coz it gets hurt and all, stupid thing leaves a mark!
I know what was in store now. After Dad’s scolding, no more rush, pimple on the forehead, this was the time to cry. I do that quite often in the bathroom. I havent done that in my college ever though. That’s because we have public bathrooms in our college hostel and I don’t want to cry in the loo while two other guys are squatting on my either sides and sitting butt-naked and shitting, with a thin wooden wall separating the three of us. That just disturbs me. I would look like a loser to cry like that.
Anyways, I turned the tap on before crying so that it suppresses my cries. That’s because when I cry, i cry like a bitch. I weep, I snort, I choke on my cough, I cough, I gulp the cough and then repeat the loop. I don’t cry for small reasons, but whenever I cry, all small things keep re-emeging in my head from the dead and by the time I finish crying I don’t remember the reason I was crying for. It was only after the bucket was filled that I turned the tap off and wiped my face with the towel. I realized that I still had the five-star in my left hand. I looked in the mirror, saw the pimple, saw the double chin I had developed due to all the extra home-made food that I had been eating during the holidays. I took the five-star near my mouth and heard a voice from the series F.R.I.E.N.D.S. that said to me “A moment on the lips, forever on the hips”. I swallowed the guilt, closed my eyes and put the five-star in my mouth. It just swayed on my tongue, sliding inside my mouth, touching my teeth, tickling me in unexplored areas. As I opened my eyes to lick the leftover chocolate from my fingers, that’s when the biggest truth of the century dawned upon me – The New Cadbury Five Stars – it melts in your mouth, not in your hand!
This is something I wrote for the “Random noise” section for my college magazine. Basically I had run out of ideas and nothing interesting seems to be happening in my life for a while now 🙂
I am sorry If i raised your expectations and then brought them crashing to the floor. DO drop in your comments as this was a very experimental post, let me know how you like it 🙂