Rajneeti : Post-Mortem

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Everybody is all praises for the recently released Rajneeti. I dont watch a lot of movies but went for it owing to all my friends who wanted to catch the first day second show. I didn’t like the movie that much. However I don’t think all my money went down the drains. Here’s a list of 10 things I didnt know before and learnt only after watching the movie.

1) Nasruddin Shah has sex for money – if you think about it, that’s what he does in the movie. He gives a 2 line speech in the fist 5 minutes and then has sex with a girl half his age and just leaves. I waited till the end expecting him to come back and deliver some strong climax scenes like he always does. But he never does, and all I am left with is gory images of his bearded aged face held against a young girls mouth and him trying to pull out the girls intestines with his tongue.

2) The Success rate of conception in India is 100 percent – Everybody who has sex in the movie renders the girl pregnant. And apparently Sex is like suicide for politicians because every male character who has sex in the movie either just dies or disappear in the next scene except Ranbir Kapoor who off course is the main hero and cant die. So instead the foreign girl whom he has sex with dies. By the way, ever wondered, with so much sex happening around them, how the hell did Manoj Bajpai and Ajay Devgan resist the temptation to have sex with each other? I dont have a secret liking for gay sex but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that both of them would have sex succumbing to peer pressure. Ajay Devgan was a kabbadi champ in the movie. Clearly he had a thing for holding and rubbing semi nude males.
Off the record, they both died in the end, so you cant completely ignore the fact that Devgan didn’t have condolence sex with Bajpayee on account of their defeat in the elections 🙂

3) Once a Bihari always a Bihari – I am talking about the Bihari director here. Firstly, When Ranbir and Katrina get engaged in the movie (for a while of course) they hit it out to a fancy club to celebrate the occasion. Where we have a cheap bihari girl dancing in the middle of the dance floor. I mean why in the world would someone dress up like that to a high profile club and dance so vigourously gyrating their body parts and try to grab attention. The director apparently couldn’t control his urge to have a mujra in the film and so fit it in anyways.
Secondly, When the gay politician (Babulal, to be precise) goes to his dark den to have a nude massage done by his super hot boyfriend/escort, why does he has a sleazy hindi item number playing in the background ? I mean even the Hot boyfriend gets a say in selecting the song that turns him on right?

4) Katrina was up for sale – Wasn’t that a bit over the top ? I mean we know its a movie but seriously ? You cant have your daughter up for sale for the guy who becomes the next Chief Minister and brag about it to a woman and be all proud about it. They show it clearly in the movie that The guy who marries Katrina would become the Chief Minister then wouldnt it have been a smart move on the girl’s father to choose the boy of his liking and pay the dowry to that guy instead of putting up Katrina on sale so that each one can individually hurt her and leave her crying.

5) Katrina CANT act and still has THE accent – so much hullabaloo for a 5 line election speech. God damnit!!! She just keeps on blabbering a piece of text that she learnt by rot and lifts her hands twice in between. Kindergarten students in my school gave better speeches and expressions in their debate competitons. I appreciate the fact that she has worked hard and all but don’t go out to the extent of saying that she has given a terrific performance. Because she hasnt. Period. The director claims he casted her because she ‘fit’ the role perfectly, I believe He just cast a girl of foreign origin and made her wear saree for 3 scenes and publicize the same in all promos probably to capitalize on the whole Sonia Gandhi issue. I know a lot of crazy ass guys out
there already swearing on me reading this but stop fooling yourselves. No matter how much ever you fantasize about her, she just doesn’t give a tiny rat’s ass for you. Grow Up now !

6) Shruti Seth is hot!!! – Remember the overly horny, ever-so-ready to sleep around girl who keeps asking for a ticket for Sitapur election ? The girl was probably the best surprise package in the movie. When she enters the frame for the first time with her pallu droping off her shoulder , I was totally blown over. Why/When/How did this transfomation happen ? And what followed was the realization that she is a Gujju !!!
Henceforth, respect to the Gujju fraternity 🙂

7) Ajay Devgan wasn’t paid for the role – How else do you explain the single bulldog face expression that he carries on his face throughout the movie.

8) They still make 3 hour long movies.

9) Indians are dumb fucks – A million people gather up to watch the politicians deliver a 4 line speech and just walk away but no son of a bitch is there on the street when 4 high profile politicians engage in a bloodbath in the broad daylight.

10) Manoj Bajpayee is just unlucky – No. I dont mean in the film… I mean in real life. No matter how much ever effort he gives in, he is never going to be appreciated for his work. That is something, it seems is not in his destiny. Because whatever you do Manoj, there is going to be some handsome asshole (read Ranbir) who ends up with all the media praises and girls too.

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Well, in case you didn’t like both – the movie and the blog, here’s something to cheer you up 🙂

Shruti Seth

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